SPREAD GOOD STUFF!

2011-08-07T10:08:00.001-07:00

Why have I been re-arranging ...
MY WHOLE LIFE?

This is not a metaphor. I'm addicted to rearranging. I rehang the art. I move the couch to the other side of the room. And I don't just rearrange the furniture, I shake up the whole house. I moved the girl's bedroom to the front. The den will soon be our office and now today, I'm making the back room back into the den, like it was when I got here back 8 years ago.

Hmmmmm.................

Re re re

back back back

Am I stepping forward and back again.

It occurred to me just now that I'm looking for something. And it's in my house. It must be, because that's where I'm looking. I'm trying to find it but I can't for all the stuff that's in the way. And what it is is the walls and the floors and the space between. That's what it is. I need that. And I'm going in after it!

It's not a metaphor, my rearranging.

2011-06-22T09:51:00.001-07:00

June 22, 2011
Tonight's Class will focus on Finding Your Edge.

Join us for an hour of yoga. We'll explore the place you need to be in your asana and in life.

2011-05-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yoga Wednesday Night @ 6pm at Dream Mecca Studio. It's casual and friendly. Come on out and get your OM on!

Class is suitable for all levels.

2011-03-16T14:08:00.001-07:00

Wednesday, March 16... We'll be working on living a joyful life through the practice of ahimsa

The practice of ahimsa adds a little to the effort of world peace but that's not the only reason it's a good thing. When we practice ahimsa, we will feel more at peace when we come to the mat.

What is meant by ahimsa? Very simply it means you don’t harm or kill another human. Some feel you shouldn’t harm or kill animals. Some would say that not stopping someone from doing harm to another is also ahimsa, so there is an intelligence to it.

With the practice of ahimsa, being kind to everyone you meet makes you feel better, not just the people you meet and so it is a practice for our own well-being as well as others.

But do we need to worry about this when we come to the mat? It should be kept in mind because we don't want to be violent to our own selves and this is often the hardest lesson of all.

I decided to begin a running program recently. It was very difficult but it was something my husband and I could do together and with our dogs. We started but the weather turned cold and so we waited for the next week.

Next attempt was the day before Richard and I got sick - very sick. Two weeks later we started again and after just 2 short sessions my shins hurt so I couldn’t do my 3rd run of the week. I started again the next week and my shins began to hurt again, plus it felt with every step someone was hitting my knees with a hammer.

Hello... How loud of a message do I need?

I'm back to brisk walking my pups and they are just as happy, and I am happier and yoga is better. Running clearly is not for me. And pushing myself to do things that were hurting my body is a form of violence. And violence of any kind is not what I'm here for.

Peace!

2011-02-09T13:23:00.001-08:00

February 9 class cancelled!

Class for tonight, Wednesday, February 9, has been cancelled do the possibility of sleet and snow. Y'all practice at home and I'll see you next week.

Shanti!

2011-02-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

On acquiring years

Old is when feeling good isn't something you just wake up having. It's when it is something that takes your pointed effort. And aging gracefully is when that effort is your joy.

2011-01-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

First Wednesday

It's the build your own practice class! I'll be bringing handouts and we'll talk about how to plan a class just right for your own yoga needs.

Props are provided but you might want to bring along a pen for note taking. We'll have a full class in addition to the planning session and as always, we'll end with relaxation and breath work in a comfortable sitting posture.

Allow you body to experience relaxation and your mind to take a break. Practice begins at 6 pm this Monday, February 2! Hope to see you there!

2010-10-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

Camping entry: Day Two - the inevitable challenge

The blow-up air mattress and new double sleeping bag afforded all the comforts of home while the sounds of frogs and bugs offered a dreamy lullaby. We slept well, until almost 9, and rose gradually.

Although we own a camp coffee pot, this is the one little convenience I didn't want to leave home without, so I unpacked the French press and the ground Star Bucks and brewed my self a savory bit of luxury. Richard had been having issues with his neck and shoulder and so I encouraged him to join me for my morning yoga. Yes, it was going to be the perfect first morning of the perfect camping trip...

And then there was THE challenge. The all too wonderful camp site had one minor flaw for the would be woods yogis.

This.....

I was so relieved to learn there would be little chance of rain while we camped, I never dreamed a load of gravel would be my issue. But there it was. Every square inch of the camp site was covered with these large pieces of gravel.

I know lying on a bed a of nails is purported in some yoga circles to have spiritual benefit but I'm just not into that right now.

So, what now. I would not be deterred!

Fortunately I had packed several large garbage backs as well as two over-sized beach towels. By removing the larger stones and layering first the garbage bag and then the folded towel I was able to fashion a fairly stable and comfortable practice space.

A few uncomfortable rocks, easier to spot by feel than site, were removed and this princess felt not a single pea under her comfy stack, mostly.

I enjoyed a general yoga practice while Richard did some therapeutic poses for his complaining shoulder.

We finished up and then headed for our tubing adventure. Tubing was nothing short of ethereal. Another benefit of being late in the season; but for a few birds and a snake or two, we seemed to have the river to ourselves.

The water was cool and the temperature mild. It was just warm enough to make swimming feel brisk and exhilarating but not so hot that we were ever too warm.

I left the phone and camera behind so sorry there are not pictures because it was just dreamily lovely!

We returned to camp for a pasta dinner with bread and salad. I'd packed for a summer vacation, but the night was turning off chilly so I secured a pair of socks from my suitcase and added them to my ensemble. For some reason, Richard kept snickering and saying something about Jay Randall.

Afterward we again enjoyed a little convenience from home. Yes, I must admit I plugged in the ipod to our jam box and pulled out my guitar and Richard grabbed his new bass.

Richard had recently made a washtub bass which we brought along on the trip. It was to be a grand instrument by night, dish washing tub by day. I don't know how the wash tub felt about this turn of events by I myself enjoy wearing a number of hats, so I felt we did not dishonor the integrity of the instrument.

We turned in and chatted about what tomorrow's day would entail. Hiking, waterfalls and swimming were to be the main features and we couldn't wait. It was nice to have had this day to totally lay back and relax on the river and then at camp. And we were going to need it because tomorrow's hike would make up for it!

2010-09-19T17:14:00.001-07:00

Have mat, will travel...

Monday morning finally arrived. Our short vacation had been pushed back and pushed back for one conflict after the other. We'd been planning to steal away for a few days in the wilderness since last summer. Being immersed in technology it is a pleasure truly needed and not enjoyed enough by either of us. Busy schedules and budding personal businesses have loomed large in our lives, but we finally put our foots down, made a date and off..... at last.... we went!

We packed the last of our bags and supplies for our 5 day adventure and headed for the mountains of North Carolina well stocked with all the food, clothing, camping needs and yoga gear a couple of nutty, crunchies would ever need on the short trip. Throw in several beers a icing and 2 wine bottles a-chilling and who could ask for more?

I had predetermined this trip was to facilitate a metamorphosis of sorts. I knew I was leaving a hoarder and planned to return a minimalist. I also planned to prove to myself that yoga can happen anywhere, no matter the circumstances. Part of this journey would require my commitment to my practice. You see, last years' camping trip launched full of hope for beautiful, ethereal yoga sessions in the deep woods, with the trees all around me and the sound of the river my score. But my best intentions were foiled by a too wet a campground floor and too small tent, the perfect excuse for forgoing practice for a warm cup of coffee under the canopy. This year my intention was to rally and enjoy my practice, come rain or shine.

Since Monday was spent mostly in the car and our morning was a mad rush to get packed and out the door, I planned to conduct my practice en route. My intention was that the series of short practices would, by the end of the day, total a complete practice for me and stave off that cramped, stiff and achy feeling you get when stuck in a vehicle for most of the day.

Things got off to a great start. Just before we got to Atlanta we stopped at a Pilot station in Temple, Georgia.

Standing in the warm but breezy sunshiney air I started with a standing side bend on either side, a standing twist both ways, a standing back bend and the forward fold, uttanasana. This little work break vinyassa keeps me feeling alive and awake during my work day and is perfect if you need some spinal movement but you've nowhere to lay a mat! I hung in uttanasana for a bit. It was delicious. From there I stepped one foot back into parsvottanasana and did some breathing into the backs of my legs. My hamstrings were quite relieved! I then bent the back knee toward to ground for a spell an anjaneyasana, or low lunge to give a nod to my psoas major and minor. Next the upright adho mukha svanasana I managed standing against the gas station wall was nothing short of liberating after our stressful packing and a couple of cramped hours in the car. I then allowed my pelvis to move toward the wall and enjoyed a bit of a back bend. Ahhhhh. Such relief!

We stopped again about an hour and a half later in Jefferson, Georgia. A little shell station would host my second short session. By now we'd been driving several hours and I was feeling pretty stiff and ready to move. I enjoyed my quick standing warm up vinyasa again and then went through a series of warrior poses. I settled into Warrior II and then folded sideways into trikonasana. I then enjoyed Warrior I and moved into Parsvottanasan. I followed this with prasarita padottanasana, a wide legged forward fold. After enjoying this lovely bit of work I took a quick walk around the gas station.

Sliding back into the passenger seat I realized that I might have preformed the poses a bit cold. This kind of practice definitely requires some careful moving. It was a good lesson to learn. Jumping out of the cramped car into a warrior series with little warm up might not be the best idea. I think my intentness on getting in a good, strong practice before days' end may have come into conflict with my mindful intention. Stiff, cold muscles can be hurt with stretch the body is not ready for. Message delivered. Message received! Thanks universe.

An hour later we stopped again in South Caroline, the state of my sister Martha's birth. Even with the periodic stops and yoga breaks, being in the car for a day begins to wear. It was a very nice little rest station for a bathroom break and stretch of the legs that we desperately needed.

Richard and I found a shady spot to steal some quick asana time. For this stop I did the same vinyasa warm up again. It's a great one for a quick run through of all the spinal movements. Forward folds are always lovely for release and letting the cervical spine move into relaxation, so I stayed with uttanasana for a bit. Next was the upright downward dog against a tree. I followed with a standing back bend with fingers interlaced behind my back and reaching for the floor while my crown floated gently upward. Finally a low lunge seemed to be called for. My psoas need the lengthening and it felt invigorating. This proved to be a much healthier short sequence than the last bit of work. Duly noted!

Finally we crossed the border into North Caroline. The air seemed alive with the promise of cooler weather and deep breaths of clean, fresh air.

At about 6pm, just before arriving we made our last stop. We were so close, but when you gotta go you gotta go, so Richard dashed off to the can while I enjoyed a very quick set of Trikonasana and a standing back bend to open my chest at this final pit stop.... and then it was off to camp.

Home at last! And it was all that we hoped for. Being late in the season, we seemed to have the entire camp to ourselves. The river was our background music and we had just enough light left to help with setting up our tent and campsite.

Nothing is better than a camp site dinner. We cooked tilapia over an open fire with salad and a yummy loaf of whole grain bread which we enjoyed after the hard work of setting up our little home away from home.

After being well fed we cleaned and readied ourselves for sleep. Just before turning in we cozied up on a couple of chaise lounges and I was able to get in the final, most important piece in my all day yoga series, a meditation of sorts on the amazing canopy of twinkling stars over head.

Everything was going to be just perfect for my mindful, yoga vacation!

2010-08-10T13:19:00.000-07:00

Honoring your own needs

I've had to let go of some things to make my life more manageable. It's kind of ironic. I began my transition from yoga practitioner to yoga instructor with the intention of moving toward a more quiet, serene lifestyle. Working every night of the week and most of the weekend along with a full time job is no way to be a good facilitator of living the mindful life I am seeking and attempting to illustrate.

Yoga is all about finding balance, and not just on one foot in tree pose. We need balance in everything. In our diet, in our waking to sleeping hours and in our working to nurturing hours. Life should be filled with good work, learning and most importantly, joy. When any of these things over shadow the others our physical and mental health will suffer. I am learning this is something that we, as mere humans, must revisit from time to time. Sometimes difficult decisions have to be made.

Regretfully Wednesday night class at One Domain will have to go and Thursday night's music practice will move to alternate Tuesdays, sharing this night of the week with teaching at SoHo-PiYo. That gives me two nights to reserve for what I'll call 'family time'. It's important.

I'll miss those fun ladies at Domain One. We enjoyed a couple of months of Wednesday nights practicing yoga together and I hope that at least one or two have been inspired to find their way toward a more balanced, healthy, joyful lifestyle. Maybe our paths will cross in another space. Maybe this was all I needed to offer for these lovely women. All I know is I would not want to saddle any one with the downfall of anothers health, and continuing was going to do this to me.

When I want to be helpful and it feels like it is breaking me, I like to bring to mind the safety talks you hear before every flight. The stewardess stands at the front of the plane describe escape routes, flotation devices and emergency oxygen masks. At each talk it is always made very clear that a parent should take care of their own oxygen needs first and then take care of the child. And it's a no-brainer. If the parent passes out, how will they be able to care for their child.

If we over work ourselves how will we be a good employee, a good spouse or partner, a good friend of parent, a good steward of the earth. We won't.

Balance. It's where it's at!

2010-07-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

YogaGarden for Kids

- Postponed until September

Due to vacation conflicts the yoga program for children at SoHo-PiYo has been moved up until September. My apologies to anyone who was expecting to start this passed Saturday. Please check back soon for updates.

Shanti!
Jean

2010-06-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

Kicking Stress out the Door and Living Mindfully

I've been bemoaning my busy life lately, complaining to my friends, children, the dogs and my poor husband. Fortunately I have the knowledge and know how to banish this silliness and don't tend to let these little pity parties go on for too terribly long.

The answer is living mindfully. It's really a very simple idea but a very effective one. Stopping and nudging the focus back to what is in front of you can dramatically reduce the stress created by a too tall list of to-dos. It really is just that easy.

There are a number of benefits to this simple practice. For one, you enjoy the task much more. If your mind is on the next item on the list, the task at hand becomes an irritant. But keeping your thoughts on whatever you're doing creates joyfulness, whether you're watching the dishes, reading a story to your child or even scrubbing the toilet. When you are 'with' the job you reap the good feelings of the work as well as the accomplishment of completion.

Another benefit is that we get more done when our focus is maintained. According to a study published in the 'American Psychological Association's Journal of Experimental Psychology', time is actually wasted when attempting to multitask. The reason is that time is needed in order to switch from one task to another. We really can't do more than one thing at once so multitasking is really about the mind rapidly switching. The time needed is pretty short but adds up when a lot of switching is going on.

And finally, the quality of the work we do while multitasking is often lower than the work we do while being mindful.

Of all the things I've learned on my yoga journey, being mindful is one of the most effective and requires so little effort. Giving myself is frequent reminders is really all that's required.

So breathe deep, slow down and enjoy your life. That's what it's there for!

2010-05-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Yoga isn't just for the mat!

There was a time when I thought of yoga as something I practiced only on the mat. More and more yoga becomes an integral part of your life. You consult your yoga experience for how to sit at your desk, how to handle a difficult situation at work or how to handle a confrontation with a loved one or associate. The teachings of yoga become welcome tools in handling all the day to day activities of life.

I went on a long camping vacation with my husband last fall with plans of doing yoga daily in the pristine wilderness. I had a pair of mats, blocks and blankets and the willingness to practice all packed and ready to go.

It turned out to be a rainy trip, and although there were breaks in the rain, the ground was far too muddy to spread out the mat and the tent was too small to allow a proper practice. So, I'm sorry to say, I just kind of 'gave up' and new I'd catch up when I got home. I'd be getting plenty of exercise without yoga what with our hiking and canoeing and hauling equipment. But after several days of laying off my yoga practice, my body and spirit began to tell on me.

The drive home proved to be very uncomfortable and cramped. My body was not only tired of car riding, but the lack of yoga had rendered my muscles crampy and my spirit cranky.

We made a stop at a gas station and I gladly spilled out of the car to move. I struck a couple of poses at the local Chevron in Boone, North Caroline as we headed out of town. Next stop I added a couple more. By the time I got home, I had completed a pretty well rounded practice even if not all at once and my body began to feel the lovely effects of a good practice and my spirit felt light and happy.

Yes, yoga is wonderful out in nature, your favorite yoga studio or your happy yoga spot at home but don't let not having the perfect setting stop you. Yoga at the Chevron is definitely better than no yoga at all. I'm walking, happy proof of that!

2010-05-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

Yoga for desk work

If you sit at a desk hunched over a computer all day like I do, you have likely experienced what most do from time to time. The neck aches, the shoulders keep trying to sneak into the ears and the middle back cries out for relief. There are a few things you can do to help alleviate this discomfort.

First and foremost, get up and move around. Sitting in one position for extended periods without moving is a recipe for disaster. Our spines are cleansed and nourished through movement and that effects every other part of the body. Make sure to move about at least once an hour. If you get so absorbed by your work you forget, set a times on your pc. I use my outlook mail application and set an alarm and then hit an hour long snooze after enjoying a quick walk about. It keeps reminding me all day and I stay comfortable and alert.

Second, make sure your desk setup is right for your body. Have the monitor be your arm's length away and at eye level or slightly below. See to it that you are sitting on the front side of your sitting bones. This keeps the tail bone from curling inward and allows for a nice, straight torso. And have both feet flat on the floor with knees a bit lower than the hips. This keeps excess pressure off the psoas muscles allowing freedom of circulation and minimizing the body's inclination to activate the sympathetic nervous system, or the fight or flight syndrome.

At home, spend some time relaxed in a position that counters the curling inward. Lay backward over pillows on your bed or sofa or use a stack of blankets on the floor. Just make sure you are relaxed and feeling comfortable and then just breathe and allow the muscles along the front of the body to relax and lengthen.

Yoga is all about keep the body in balance. And balance is a wonderful thing!

2010-05-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Aversion and attachment

There is a yogic philosophy stating that suffering comes from our attachments and aversions. Our attachments cause us to suffer because we know that in the end, we can't really keep anything. If we can accept that everything will pass eventually we can have more control over the feeling of the pain of loss.

To help with aversion we must remember that all things are transitory so we know that whatever suffering we are now experiencing will pass.

In other words, we are safe within. There is a divinity/intelligence/ultimate self deep inside that cannot be touched by anything. Holding on to that and letting the events wash past, making our best decisions at each moment but knowing that Self, (self with a capital S) will not be affected by our struggles or our joys helps with a feeling of safety.

The key is in all interactions act firmly but gently and be undaunted by the response whether negative or positive. Being self-assured in the face of storms becomes easier with each experience handled using these tools.

2010-04-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ahimsa

The main goal of yoga, believe it or not, isn't to obtain a great six pack or a bulging set of biceps. The aim of yoga is to facilitate moving inward where we can get to know our true inner nature. This is accomplished through meditation which requires that the body be comfortable and the mind be still. Quieting the mind and becoming still are much harder than one might think.

In progressing toward a more deepened meditational experience, the fluctuations of the mind must become stilled. This requires practice and concentration. Thoughts of regret or violence render this endeavor impossible, so yogic philosophy makes lifestyle suggestions so that as little as possible is able to remove your attention from the focus of moving inward.

Ahimsa is a step taken toward this lifestyle. It means non-violence, and by violence this can be toward the self or others. It might refer to a physically violent act but violence can take many forms. Saying hurtful things to another, taking advantage of someone or even abusing your own body are also forms of violence. Even mean thoughts can haunt you as your subconscious knows no difference between thoughts and real actions.

This all may all sound rather stiff and rigid but it really isn't. Being non-violent also means not beating yourself up if you didn't act as you wish you had. Take note; know that you did your best at that moment and then move on to the next having gained experience and knowledge that will allow a more skillful behavior to emerge when next the 'situation' arises.

Namaste

2010-04-22T09:11:00.001-07:00

Yoga to go

In my early years as a yoga practitioner I remember the feeling of the 'class' or the 'mat' being where yoga happened. It was something that made me feel peaceful and happy. It was something I looked forward to. It was something I missed when I skipped.

I'm not sure I know exactly when yoga became more. It was a gradual and subtle process. Some twenty or so years since I began the practice, yoga has become something I don't leave home without.

Before an important meeting or presentation at work, it's alternate nostril breathing, 'nadi shodhana', to the rescue. When my shoulders are aching from hunching over the computer, it's some quick desk yoga for me. On road trips I frequently steal a few moments at gas station stops for asana, the physical poses of yoga. If I am having a difficult interaction with a loved one or co-worker, it is mindful reminder of ahimsa, the principle of non-violence. These things make my life so much better. They give me something to hang on to when times are tough. They ease the burden of decision making.

Yoga isn't just about a workout. It is a lifestyle, a decision to live more mindfully. I am more at peace because of my yoga practice. It is easy to be a good yogini when all is well, but the principles of yoga are most important when all is not. While yoga can help you make improvements in life, it is also commitment to be in awe of all that you have right at this very moment and to be at peace with things as they are.

2010-01-25T09:49:00.000-08:00

All work and no play...

I have not kept my intention to journal regularly here. I plan to remedy this, effective immediately. The problem is a symptom of a bigger problem. I've let my schedule become too full and it has made my life unmanageable.

No Fun! All work and no play makes Jean a dull girl, not to mention an unhappy one.

Last week I hit the wall. I felt myself becoming sick, I felt myself becoming depressed and I knew this wasn't the kind of life I'd imagined I was developing when I first signed up for the yoga teacher training course at Heartwood Yoga Center. I wanted a positive, uplifting life for myself and those I might touch.

I began teaching almost immediately after graduation and it is a gift to be able to do so, but so many opportunities sprung up and I wanted to try them all. Before I knew it I was teaching up to 5 classes a week in addition to my full time job and other side work projects. I simply let myself become depleted. Things I love were ignored, the puppies were often neglected and my house was a mess. I was not living yogic lifestyle. Being a yogini requires balance and I was letting myself slip far from it.

Happily I have many good friends to give me a little tap as I veer off track and wonderful tools to draw from.

I've done some reading:
The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan W. Watts - an amazing and inspiring book.

The Mindful Woman by Sue Patton Thoele - a lovely and easy read.

The Sivananda Companion to Meditation - this was a gift from my husband and an absolutely lovely book.

I've done several Yoga Nidra practices, some at home with my Rod Stryker CD a self-hypnosis meditation that helps you implant positive affirmations, my focus being on living a more quiet and mindful life. I've done a practice with Suzanne Graham at SoHo-PiYo studio where I teach. Yoga Nidra is a wonderfully relaxing and self realizing practice.

I've done a good bit of self observation and have had great conversations with my most supportive husband, Richard and good friends from my SatSangha.

Much like Michelangelo saying his beautiful figures are already there, he just has to remove some marble to reveal them, there are just a few things I need to put down so I can see and enjoy my most wonderful life. What I keep RELEARNING is that the life I want is not out there or in the future, it is here. It is the one I've got.

2009-08-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

Sat Sangha

My fellow yoga students and my teachers huddled together and Richard snapped this shot of all of us all on our last weekend of instructor training together. This was to be part of a gift (see John and Kate below) we put together for our teachers, Kate Tremblay and John LeMunyon of Heartwood Yoga.

I had nine copies made of the chosen shot. One went into a scrapbook for John and Kate, and the remaining eight were passed out among the rest of us. I picked them up from Wolf Camera and then slid each photo into a folded sheet of paper labeled Sat Sangha.

Sat Sangha is a sanskrit term that means "honest community". It is a lovely thing to be a part of a group I can refer to with this term. That has been one of the best parts of this training. These people have grown to feel like family to me. These are people I have grown to trust and respect.

What a bittersweet day. The year of study had been wonderful, time consuming, tiring and exhilarating all at once. Now it was coming to an end.

In the time since our course completion we have maintained contact. Most of us are working on building a teaching practice around Birmingham and beyond, but what is amazing about these folks is the true feeling of community among us. We studied together, coached each other, praised each other, gave helpful and respectful feedback and we had fun together.

We all want to do similar things and yet there is no hint of rivalry or jealously among these lovely people. Snatching and groping for business, hoping to force shut down the competition, demeaning another yoga instructor; it's just not part of this group.

Kate and John offer the opportunity to teach at Heartwood while supporting and applauding our efforts to seek other avenues. We all are encouraging each other, sending ideas and referring students when it seems appropriate to do so. It is about right action, not good or bad action -- simply right action. With that, life really is very pleasant. It is a very nice contrast to some of the experiences I've had in my professional history.

In the long run this kind of mindset only serves an entire community. It's a mark of faith and confidence, of wanting the best for all and knowing it is possible. It's about honoring every individual while respecting and honoring the self because it is about knowing we are connected.

2009-07-30T15:04:00.001-07:00

Birthday

Last Sunday Richard, Caroline and I met my parents and my oldest sister, Teresa's and her daughter Rachel, to celebrate Teresa's 60th birthday together. (Teresa is a potter, mosaic tile worker and artist in general. There she is above. She won't mind me telling her age. She's like that.)

You might imagine some gloomy party in a retirement home or a low key afternoon in rocking chairs on the front porch with tea cakes and punch and coffee. Not these folks!

My father will turn 90 this winter. There he is in the picture at left. The cute girl in the photo is my neice, Rachel.

The family met at Dismals Canyon, a park in Northwest Alabama. It is an awesome place. Because of the jurassic look of the local fauna, the area was used as backdrop footage for the documentary, "When Dinosaurs Walked the Earth." The most extraordinary thing about the place are the bizarre little glow worms, the dismalites that give the caves their name, gracing the cave walls. These creatures are found only in China, New Zealand and this one series of caves in Alabama. How cool is that?

This is just the kind of thing that my folks enjoy. Nature excursions were common in my youth and I relished the experiences that my wonderful, down to earth parents exposed me to. Teresa especially enjoys the out doors. It was such a nice way to spend the day with family, out in nature. Mom and Dad skipped their usual Sunday morning trip to church, but if you ask me, the time spent in nature's ethereal magnificance was an excellent way to celebrate spirituality. There is my mom at left climbing down form a rock formation. She rocks!... (no pun intended)

We met about 11 am and started with a hike. This is a well worn path but much of the terrain requires climbing and squeezing through tight spots. Cool air seeps from the caves through cracks in the rock walls making it seem almost as if the outside is air conditioned.

Mom and Dad both seemed so excited and happy. Mother slowed the group down a bit, but not because she couldn't keep up. She likes to stop and check things out and go off on trails. Thankfully she did not dig up anything as she is want to do, often in areas that carry stiff penalties for taking wildlife from the park.

"Well, it needs thinning," has always been her reasoning when we remind her she is breaking the law. Luckily she has not been apprehended yet and so still remains a free woman and at the ready to 'thin' plants wherever needed.

After about an hour and a half we completed the hike and then proceeded to pull out the good food brought from home and had a lovely pot luck kind of picnic. Fresh fruits and vegetables, items ready for sandwhich making and yummy honey sweetened oat cake for Teresa and homemade ice cream for those in the group that can do dairy. Sadly I am not one of them.

After that was complete everyone headed for the creek except Daddy. He heroicly claimed he was going to watch over our belongings but I suspect he was planning some quiet time and a quick nap.

Now, I don't know if you have ever been swimming in a spring fed creek, but I am here to tell you that even in late July the water is quite chilly! My daughter Caroline was the first in. There she is at left. I reluctantly followed.

Teresa and Rachel stepped a toe in and were undecided and leaning toward a no. Then my mother, being as 'Marie' as ever, stands ups and anounces, "well, I learned to swim in a creek and this may be the last chance I have to do it again. I'm getting in!"

(There I am at left shivering and swimming. Not seen is Richard - he's behind the camera! ) Mother eased her way into the frigid water. Once swimming and moving around the overwhelming cold dissipates and the swim becomes quite refreshing... but it takes some guts to make that first plunge.

Teresa and Rachel, I guess feeling a bit called out by this senior woman braving the cold, relented and joined us in the water. All the women in the group took the plunge and we had a blast!

It was fun, the kind of fun that stays with you and bonds family and friend. At right see the gathering of Campbell women warming themselves back up on the rock bed before swimming again.

How lucky I feel to have my folks still with me, so strong and inspiring, so of the earth. Thanks for showing me what is important and how to really enjoy life. And I am determined, Marie Hamner Campbell, that you will yet swim in another creek!

2009-07-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

Gifts

I have the fortune of being the sister to a gifted mosaic artist and expert potter. All of the lucky members of my family have beautiful objects of art and handy pottery gracing our homes, cabinets and gardens, all from this generous and artistic woman. For my last birthday Teresa gave me a gift that I am reminded of and happy about each and every day. It's one of those kinds of gifts from which you never tire. A 'Counter Culture Pot', she calls it.

I save what my mother, the original recycler and organic gardener, used to call live garbage; egg shells, coffee grounds and apple peels. They all get thrown into an old coffee tin or bucket of some kind and then hidden under the sink alongside the regular trash. The lovely rotting matter eventually makes it out to some unfrequented spot on the ground and begins to 'cook' into wonderful, worm-filled, black moist earth. Great for the garden, not that appealing in the kitchen... until now.

I love this little pot. It sits proudly on the counter as an object of beauty as well as a recepticle for my live garbage. And being out in the kitchen it also serves as a reminder to empty frequently out to the compost pile. The buckets tucked away under the kitchen sink often get quite 'intersting' and friends come to visit if ignored too long - ick.

This pot keeps the garbage hidden, the smells contained and my kitchen a fun place to be.

2009-07-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

Moonflower

Mindy, a fellow heartwood student, gave me some seeds way back in spring while I was still in yoga training. She described the beautiful night blooming flowers that had produced them and offered seeds to any of us that wanted. I took ten or so seeds and planted them in early summer. It seemed nothing would come of them.

I waited and waited and had all but given up and planned to use the large pot on the front porch for something else. Finally after weeks a little sprout poked its head through the soil. It grew and sent a small, semingly insignificant vine up the the side of the pot, but nothing terribly exciting.

And then two nights ago, right after the slug incident, we noticed this amazing bloom. It lasted just the night. How lucky we noticed. I think we might have missed it if Richard hadn't decided to get real close and personal with his slimey new friend.

I think one will open tonight. I'll be checking. Thanks Mindy!

2009-07-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

July 4, 2009

Hell must be covered in ice!

I did what I once swore would never happen. I accepting a playing engagement for playing music in front of actual human beings!

Paul Walters, my music partner, and I have been practicing together for a couple of years. We figured out our singing and playing worked well together over the several months we both attended Bill Ledbetter's weekly living room jams just for fun. Both of us being non-smokers, we would fiddle around with guitar and vocal work waiting on the others to return from frequent smoke breaks. We discovered we harmonized well, liked the same kind of music and both love to be involved with music events whether playing, arranging or attending. Paul has worked City Stages every year since it's inception and is the president of the Magic City Blues Society. I've been involved in music since a child, from piano lessons to the high school marching band. I've explored various guitar styles and have always found playing music something I never seem to tire of.

It all started when Paul called one night, after attending a Gillian Welch show at Zydeco and said he had an idea that we should form a duet. I'd played for the dogs and cats all my life, but getting a taste of playing with others had begun to appeal to me and I was relieved to have another outlet since Bill had canceled the weekly open living room jams.

We had fun as I basically cut my teeth on my resonator with Paul. We were starting to get compfortable with some work. But then the duet had to take a back seat while I worked on my yoga teaching certification at heartwood. I assured him I would be back on, full tilt, once the course was complete. (at right, working with Gilda, my Johnson tricone)

I graduated the last weekend of May of this year and as promised, I started working more with daily practice and making our practice time together a priority. And then the call came. I knew it would come some day and I wondered how I would react.

Paul says, "We have an opportunity," and he told me of the South Side 4th of July Block Party, an event he had actually started in his old neighborhood near Lorino's grocery store some twenty years or so before. The location provides a great place for gathering and watching fireworks. I've attended a couple of them before. I never imagined I'd be playing one day.

I could hear something in his voice. He thinks I'm going to say no, and my first instinct is to say, "I'm not ready," but I didn't. To my own horror, I hear myself say, "Okay." Did I just say that. The event would be in some 5 days and I have just agreed.

We practice twice during the week and I practice morning and night, but my fear grows with each passing day. I can feel waves of nausia when I stop and think about what is coming. It feels like some dreaded surgery and prison conviction awaits me.

I've explored where this comes from. I think I have a couple of ideas, but it is quite profound. For instance, if I had 4 friends at my house and we were sitting around talking, I'd be happy as a clam. If I had to stand up and speak on something to them, and they were all sitting in chairs and watching, I'd stammer and stumble. Maybe lots of folks are this way, but to me it seems I'm the only one. I whine and complain and wring my hands and bore all my friends about this dreaded thing I must do.

And then Wendy, Paul's wife, calls me out. "Aren't you supposed to know how to calm down and get chilled out with all that yoga you've been studying?"

"Well, but, and well... yeah," I admit rather sheepishly.

(At left, before the performance with Wendy. I may look relaxed but it's a bit of an act. I am just about to play and I'm working really hard to keep myself even.)

Saturday I woke early to prepare, but not with study or practice. I would spend about two hours with a yoga practice. I did some vigorous yoga to expel my nervous energy. I performed several vinyasa's, a kind of yoga flow series, that revolved around warrior I and warrior II, good poses for summoning courage, and then I did a long Yoga Nidra meditation, a form of self hypnosis designed to reverse negative beliefs and implant more positive ones into the subconscious. My goal is to try and reprogram whatever is inside me that paralyzes me when asked to perform. It worked, too. I was strangely calm after my practice.

It was a small crowd and I must admit I was kind of relieved. And then a couple of my friends showed up to offer support. Thanks Shawn! And thanks, Lauren, you wonderful yogini! This on advice of my boss, Jon Adamson, who played in the local band, 4AM ten or so years ago. Such a nice guy - he tells me to be sure and have my 'fans' there for backup. He was right. I can hear Richard and Wendy and Lauren all cheering me on and it is so welcome and comforting to my ears.
(left - Paul Walters, and yours truly)

Afterward, I relax and have the time of my life. The night is perfect. The fireworks were lovely and the company was grand.

I did it.

What next?

(at right dancing with Lauren - I am definitely a lot more relaxed now!)

2009-07-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

The Birth of Deluxification

It was a Monday morning and I was enjoying my coffee on the deck with Richard. After the month of intense study and fretting over my yoga certification finals (which I passed, by the way), I took a vacation day for my own restoration. I planned a day of total relaxation: I would do yoga leisurely, read some magazines, lie in the sun, maybe soak in my jacuzzi.

Richard had recently fixed the last of the damage created by the large oak the drought had taken. In addition, the week before the scheduled removal a limb as big around as me split at the site of three wood pecker holes and came crashing through our lovely deck. Now we had 4 gapping holes to fix instead of the one intention hole where the tree grew. Richard amazes me. He truly is my perfect match. He has his gentle, artistic side. He's caring with the children. He's a wonderful writer. He loves my pets as much as I do and he practices yoga. But when the chips are down, the man can pull out some serious knuckle buster.

"So, we were sitting and enjoying the clean and quiet at last. And the deck was just lovely. In addition to fixing the holes he had made some modifications, upgrading the gate and removing an unneccesary dividing wall. The deck was open and neat and everything was in just the right place..... except the charcoal bag. The awkward white paper bag with unfortunate red, black and blue design sat there - in the middle of our oasis - looking much like a sore thumb. The eye just couldn't help but go straight to it. And we have so little storage in our house there is literally no place else to put it.

I said out loud, "Man, I wish we had some place to put that bag." Richard looks around and begins to pull at his goatee. He does when he is thinking and planning. Something is coming, I know this.

Well," he starts, still thinking and calculating, "we could take the left over wood from the deck repair and make a little cabinet for the grill." I smile wide as I consider. We've been relaxing for all of 12 minutes, but this sounds like fun.

You're on," I say. Yup, the man is most definitely my perfect match.

Next thing I know, out come the power tools and saw horse. And I'd be lying if I said my heart doesn't flutter a bit when he buckles on his tool belt.

First we started with the choosing of the wood. He had generally calculated the length of pieces he would need and so he sifted through the pieces and made his selection.

He then made some drawings to show me what he intended to create. "Perfect," I say. And I really love the idea of reusing the old wood. It's something that I feel is important to think about in this day and age of so much excess. The world is our garden, and we are setting our icky charcoal bags right in the middle of it. I feel good about this and have long forgotten my intentions of a day of leisure.... I knew it was a pipe dream anyway.

Now Richard begins to survey the pieces.

Nails will have to be removed. I helped with that but Richard removed the more tricky ones. I watch to see what he is doing. First he makes a skeleton of a little box out of some spare 2 by 2s that were purchased to make balusters for the deck gate.

Next he measured and sawed to fit the left over pieces from the damaged boards he removed from our deck. These he placed onto the box skeleton.

He measured and then drilled holes. Then brandishing his power screwdriver he began driving the screws in one right after the other. He really this look easy.

We tried to find something around the house to attach the cabinet door with but nothing suitable presented itself. A quick trip to K-Mart for some hinges would solve this delima. Those were attached with seemingly just as much ease. I couldn't wait until he finished. The charcoal was placed within the cabinet even before it was complete.

Now there was just but to carry off the refuse, put away the tools, pull out the chaise lounges and pour myself a cool glass of chardonnay. 'I'm finally going to be able to relax,' I think.

Although I am making light of myself, the truth is I am making progress. I have slowed down. I've shortened my to-do list and reduced the unneccesary inventory. I am finding out the life I wanted was always there; I just couldn't see it for all the 'stuff'. And I think that is the key.

Nature abhors a void. Move something out, something else takes its place. Reserve that spot for something good, something nourishing, something enlightening. Make damn sure only something you truly want goes in there. Maybe what is needed is an area of physical space for room to breathe. It might be a block of time for restoration. Maybe it's time spent walking the dog instead of running just one more errand. It's an awesome adventure watching this evolve. I see the life I wanted rolling in. Our home, our lives, our work. Nothing but deluxe. We've tasted a bit and decided it's the only thing that will do.

I am in the life I wanted, and I know it at last.

2009-06-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Yoga in the Office

The following is an article written for my company's (EBSCO Industries) internal publication , 'The Bugle'. I decided to post it here as well. It was such a treat to spend time working on this article.

Low back discomfort can result from misalignments, emotional tension or muscular imbalances. But whatever the cause, lumbar pain is no fun. And sitting in one position without a break can aggravate the situation. "Yoga practices don’t need to be complicated to yield powerful results. A pose or two specifically directed toward releasing a student’s area of tension can bring great comfort," says Kate Trembly, lmt, eryt, of Heartwood Yoga in Birmingham, Alabama.

For some at work relief try this seated twist.

Sit erect with feet about hips width apart. Take a breath in through the nose and allow the chest to expand and the spine to lengthen. Now exhale, activate the abdominals slightly and turn an inch or so toward the left. Let the twist originate from the navel. Do not assist by pulling with the arms. Inhale again, allowing the chest and abdomen to expand. Exhale and twist a bit more. Continue this pattern of expanding and lengthening the upper body on the inhale and twisting gently on the exhale. Stretching work should never hurt. Stop twisting just BEFORE it feels like too much and hold for a few breaths. Untwist slowly and repeat on the right.

The upper torso is designed to be extremely mobile. The great complexity of this region makes it highly susceptible to stiffness, fatigue and imbalance. To relieve tension, take an occasional break with this lovely upper body opener you can perform at your desk.

Sit with back straight. Interlace the fingers of both hands and place them behind the head. Breathe deeply as you move the elbows toward the wall behind you.

Do not use force. Allow the chest to open and expand softly. Enjoy this stretch as a break from the rounding forward position of desk work and take several deep breaths here. Now activate the upper back by gently pushing your head into your hands and your hands into your head for several more breaths. Release and bring the arms down across the front of the chest as if giving yourself a hug, with right on top of left. Lower the head toward the arms. This should be a delicious lengthening and release for the upper back and neck. Repeat the entire sequence again, this time hugging left arm over right.

It's the only back you've got, so do what you can to keep it happy. It will keep you happy back! John Lemunyon, lmt, eryt of Heartwood puts it beautifully. “So often we just don’t think small enough when we think of exercise. My best advice is simply to re-define taking care of your back. Let it include how you’re doing whatever you’re doing in this moment."

For more information check out Heartwood Yoga at http://www.heartwoodyoga.com/.

2009-06-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

Living Deluxe

I'm doing the thing that I love to do and have all my life been well-known for. My husband even wrote a line into our wedding vows about it. It was something like, 'I promise to love, honor and rearrange.' He's lucky. I actually do this much less frequently than I did in my younger years when rearranging the house only took one day to complete with little recover time needed.

We've been working on the trimming down, going toward streamlined, organic and recycled. I'm really feeling upbeat and optimistic. I'm down right cheerful as I lug the little bamboo drawers out of the den. This Pier I treasure is retiring from office work and headed for kitchen duty. As I work things become organized, clean and sparkly.

Nobody has ever quite understood my need for this activity, the wondrous feeling as you nearly complete the job. The exhilaration when looking at my clean home with artistic flair. It's a joy to walk through. Cozy nooks are here and there and conversational seating with lovely still life arrangements abound.

But then there is always that one room. I promise to return and put all the rest of the stuff away and I mean it. I really mean it. My intentions are to put each and every item in its place creating nothing but the purest of organization. The sacrificial room where you put all the crap you really don't need but can't seem to throw, or even give away is not a luxury we enjoy in this small Homewood bungalow. You know the one, where you close the door so it won't bother you and declare your home well kept and only go back in when it's time to move. Being the daughter of a depression era mother I'm just programmed that way and so there is all that stuff. I never get back to that last bit of stuff and eventually it all infects its way back into my home filling up the breathing spaces and gathering dust.

And then on my cheerful way to the kitchen my belief in this project is momentarily shaken. A distant memory has popped up; a long since passed rearranging adventure. I'm at Pier I wandering the aisles looking for something that will do the trick. The perfect piece of furniture for And this will be the piece of furniture that makes everything neat and clean, organized and efficient. And once in place I know that my home will forever and ever be neat and clean, and without cat or dog hair, rabbit pellets or dirty dishes. I will have hours upon hours to do just as I pleased and all those things I've been meaning to do will finally get done.

But I am only deterred for a moment. I am even more certain that this is the one that is going to take, the plan that really will make things around the house just 'work' better, like at Martha's where there's never any mess. And there is a chance. I'm not consuming like I used to. I've let go of some things that I didn't really need anymore. I've begun to realize how nice it is to be free of excess. In looking for the life of my dreams it's never been about what I didn't have. It's always been about what I have that I don't need and as I work it seems the home is truly becoming transforming.

My dear Richard dutifully helped all weekend and we worked hard! But as we laid our exhausted bodies into the bed I saw him look around the room and I watched as his face grew bright. And I could see; he got it!

"It looks so nice. It's like a fancy hotel room!" He smiles really big and then he says, "It's just.. it's deluxe!"

Yup, I married the perfect man!

2009-01-05T13:41:00.001-08:00

Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite. Islanded between the arms, the inhabitants argue for a lifetime as to which is the main river. - Cyril Connolly

2008-10-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

Nothing Special

In my third month of Yoga training I've decided to recommit myself to my blogs. The writing is good for tacking. I must journal for my class and I do that by hand, I journal with my fellow students on a community blog and I have my own Yoga Journal blog that I will keep possibly indefinitely. I'm really trying to figure out why I do this. Is it my ego that thinks someone out there might be interested or helped by what I write?

I've learned recently that in some cultures in China to say, 'you are nothing special' is actually a great compliment because the assumption is that everyone is enlightened and inspired and of great worth.

I'm going to assume I'm nothing special and continue to write about my explorations.

2008-06-27T10:49:00.001-07:00

There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness.

Pearl S. Buck

2008-05-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

I have obviously taken a break from writing here. Now it is time to get back.

I'm enthusiastic and excited about life. My plans are to begin my year long study of yoga teacher training and gain my certification in May of '09. I feel inspired and renewed and it feels like my life is now going in the proper direction. I've put down my fists - given up the struggle, and like water flowing down a river everything now moves so easily and with sureness and purpose.

A story from the universe: Stop Your Fighting.
Today my daughter received a valuable lesson. She prides herself on being frank and honest but can sometimes take it to the point of being overly harsh. I don't think this is helping her. Today she was lost in an unfamiliar city and made an incorrect turn. A cop pulled her over and she immediately smarted off to him, saying he should have seen she was having difficulty. She blamed him! As you can imagine he was not amused! He immediately wrote her a ticket. Had he been treated with respect he might likely have just helped her out and let her go on her merry way. Instant Karma! I hope she can learn from this. If so, the expensive ticket will be well worth it.

2007-09-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

I am thoroughly convinced that the ‘good things’ in life are not dependent on what must be obtained, but instead are there already, merely waiting on the dumpage of excess.

For instance, services like my land line; the phone chords clutter my office, I spend 30 bucks a month and I use it very rarely. I no longer need to pay for this. And there are the things filling up the space of my home. I am full to busting - why would I keep those ugly pants and that series of books I’ll never read? And then there are activities that no longer serve me, like spending time cleaning up all that shit I don’t need. Or the phobias that stop me from what I want to do.

We are streamlining our house, we are monitoring our spending and we are re-sorting our priorities. It may sound as if we have added stringency to our lives, but what it feels more like is liberation. I can move more freely, I know what to do next and I am so excited. We have more time and are filling the voids with things that fulfill us. Can life get much better than this?

I'll let you know in about 2 or 3 months how this is working out but last night we slept peacefully, feeling that we are at last moving in a steady and forward direction.

2007-09-05T13:57:00.001-07:00

I can become dark and brooding and wanting to wallow in self pity. Eeeeeeeeee I don’t like that girl. So what to do?

Ironically I tend to write my stuff for ‘Spread Something Good’ immediately following an ‘event not so good’. It is my effort to move in the right direction as I assume a ‘not so good’ experience is really just one of the many guideposts I’ll encounter in my lifetime.

So this is my therapy and my chance to view life in positive way. I want to spread this idea as well. Not because I’m any smarter than anybody else, but feeling good is contagious. Maybe nobody reads this but me. That means at worst I am bringing myself back to center. Maybe once in a blue moon someone happens upon it. Maybe it will do some good. But I can at least be sure I’ll do no harm.

It seems to me that life is just a series of adjustments to your path. Mostly you veer from right to left in an effort to stay in your groove and continue forward. Sometimes you veer way off and must struggle to get back. Sometimes you change your path altogether. Sometimes you back track – don’t kid yourself. We never stand still.

All the while you are gathering up and letting go. Things and people come into your life while other things and people go. Sometimes you must make the difficult decision to push away. Sometimes you are hurt when they fall aside. But these changes, however painful, are just getting you where you need to be. I think on all the years I’ve hurt for someone or something that ‘left me’. Truth was I just didn’t need to ‘stay there’.

A good friend is a rarity. And I think probably a bore – no fun. When we go out to have fun, and intentionally veer off our path a bit, we don’t want to be reminded of where we are. It is more comfortable to be with those accepting and joining in on the veering. We say, please stay here with me in this icky place. And so there it is.

I am coming out of the dark. I don’t want to be there. This feels good. I’m not in a crowd, but hey, those around me are fabulous.

Thanks

2007-06-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

LOOK, IT'S A POST!

June is coming to a close and I’ve not posted since April! So much has happened. I’ve added a bathroom to my home. I’ve added a husband to my family. I’ve endured a serious illness and been to Mexico on vacation. Just about had all I could handle. No, correction, I’ve had more than I could handle.

I’m embarrassed to notice that my March post speaks of listening to my body and not letting myself get overwhelmed. Apparently that was just the cliff’s notes to the course that was coming and I evidently did not absorb much from the summary.

So, here I am 2 weeks past my wedding and 4 months past Bell’s Palsy. I made it through both. The Bell ’s palsy was hell. The wedding was a blast but seems like a vague dream that I observed from outside of my body. Mexico was heaven and the time off with Richard was great.

Now it is back to the real world and I miss my new husband. He works a different shift from me. I only see his sweet, sleepy face for about ten minutes before I leave for work in the morning. He gets about twenty or thirty minutes of incoherent conversation with his comatose wife after coming home from his evening shift. This contrast from the 9 days of being together has put me in rather a funk and my gray, windowless cube walls are making it difficult for me to be thankful I have a good job to come home to.

But the weekend is upon us. When Richard gets off tonight, he will be mine for a couple of days. I’m looking forward to having the closeness again, until next week when I’m delivered the reality that comes between us and shows me how much I love him.

2007-03-19T09:46:00.001-07:00

SEEKING

Today I got nothing.
And I'm looking.

2007-03-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

Listening to My Body

I made a vow several months ago to not be so busy.

Since that time I have been trying to move mountains in order to achieve this illusive goal. I have spent an exorbitant amount of time working toward the realization of an easy and carefree life. And so, here I go moving things around, throwing things away, bagging things up, re-organizing.

I have spent the last 5 days on the couch contemplating the irony that I have injured myself while working toward the goal of relaxation. And with no adequate prescriptions to assist, have spent those said days horizontal and with my favored elixir, the chardonnay.

The positive things that have occurred during my stay on the couch are these:

I have learned how to use the television remote.
I have learned that moving things from one room to another is not the same as organization nor does this create more space.
I have also learned that everything doesn't have to have a deadline. Some things can just get done when they get done.
I have learned that super organization is probably not going to occur for me in this life.
I have learned that what is keeping me from the lifestyle I desire has nothing to do with what I don't have, but all to do with what I do have - and hoard!
And I have learned who really loves me even when I'm down.

I have also found that relaxing and allowing yourself down time is not an achievement but a decision.

I think tonight after I get home I'll take a walk and then watch some Andy Griffith reruns on the television so don't call me because I'm busy.

2007-02-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

LOVE

So, here we are in February, a month devoted to love. Wouldn't it be nice if scheduling a holiday for love was about as silly as scheduling a holiday for breathing. Wouldn't it be cool if loving was something we all just did constantly and when someone suddenly found themselves not loving, sirens would blare and emergency professionals would race in to resuscitate a person's ability to love.

Yes, I know this seems a bit sappy, happy. I know I might at times seem a bit too full of sweetness, sugar and light. But to you individuals who find this thinking distasteful and unrealistic and a bit too Pollyanna, take your grumpy-ass funk somewhere else. Yup, I have my moments. I just make sure I don't write on the days that I'm grumpy and sullen. But the good thing about those days is that, after wallowing in them for a spell, interesting information will reveal itself if allowed. It is usually at those times I am inspired to write.

Today started rough. But I have learned today how to let some things pass. And that makes me feel better.

Time for a glass of wine and a good night of music. And happy evening!

2007-01-11T12:34:00.000-08:00

BLEW PAST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT A PEEP

I've been so busy! It has an amazing 90 days or so.

Christmas preparations were interrupted by a business trip to Boston. Good stuff as I had great food, learned lots and visited my adorable niece. But it made getting ready for Christmas quite a task.

And as if that weren’t enough, I had previously committed to being the accompaniment to my sister’s vocal Christmas carol presentation at her holiday open house. This was my first public gig and it was good for me. I’ve been hoping to wrestle my stage freight to the ground once and for all and this was a great place to start sparing. I mean, let’s face it; the crowd was made up of our family members and her close friends and fellow church members. It wasn’t like I was going to be heckled off the floor no matter how bad I sucked. Nothing out there but oozing love and well wishes. Regardless, I was terrified. I am happy to report, however, that I survived the ordeal and actually quite enjoyed it. Thank God one of her wayward friends showed up with a bottle of chardonnay that I quickly opened, it seeming almost like permission to have a drink at the all out Baptist gathering. I’m told I did quite well and that the many mistakes I know I made went unrealized. Of course, it was a family member that told me this. That’s okay. It was a start!

That passed, it was all out Christmas readiness time. I adore the holiday season and all that goes with it. I enjoy decking the halls and Christmas carols, gatherings with good friends and even a bit of cold weather. I love giving gifts and getting them as well. And Santa was good to me this year, that’s for sure.

I got a ring from Richard. It is a beautiful piece of jewelry with a clear stone, I am told (I’m clueless about these things). The design is simple with elegant lines and it came to me as a perfect fit, both physically and aesthetically. I think it fits our relationship as well. It is shiny and clear and free of overly showy ornamentation with a thin band that doesn’t bind or crimp, but hugs my finger comfortably. The man actually went to both knees to ask for my hand. In the early hours of Christmas Eve 2006 we made a pact, a promise. This is it. Buds for life. Woa!

New Years felt especially happy this year. The upcoming year looks to be a bright one with lots of excitement and changes to come and I am looking so forward to it. 2007 is going to rock!

2006-11-27T08:22:00.001-08:00

GIVING THANKS

Most everyone enjoys giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day. And what’s not to be thankful for? The table is overloaded with delicious food and all the people that are most important are all around. Even the leaves on the trees are consorting to fashion the most perfect and wondrous day with their brilliant colors.

What is a challenge is being thankful on less than perfect days. It is hard to be aware of what lovely things may be at work for you or what tragedy might be avoided only because things, at the moment, seem bleak.

Did that flat tire keep me from a head on collision? Did having to stay late at work divert some other deal breaking confrontation with a loved one? These gifts we can never know of, but some gifts, in hindsight, we can see clearly.

One Tuesday night I happened into a restaurant near my home. Work was becoming unsatisfying and stressful. At home a huge mess and angry daughters awaited me. I was out Christmas shopping without enough money. It seemed there was no positive direction to turn in my life, anywhere. So I did something I NEVER, EVER do. I stopped for a drink BEFORE going home.

Now don’t get me wrong, everyone who knows me is aware that I enjoy my glass or two (or three) of wine every evening. But that comes after dinner. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have a glass while I’m cooking, but that’s only if it’s been a really rough day. But this night was different. I couldn’t even begin to imagine going home where stress had hit an all time high. My younger daughter was angry with me. My older daughter had moved back home with her three dogs, bringing the total to five canines in a very small house. She was pushing me to the edge and on top of that, they were fighting with each other. The garbage was ransacked daily by the dog pack and it normally required about 45 minutes of cleaning to even think about beginning dinner. What had been my sanctuary had become my living hell. I did not want to go home.

So instead I went to the BBQ restaurant I’d eaten in at minimum of once a month for at least three years. However this time I sat at the bar.

Who would have ever suspected that the stress of my household, which at the time I saw as some undeserved punishment, was actually the catalyst to great happiness. Who could have known that the attention of the handsome bartender would be the start of so much more than an enjoyable hour at a neighborhood hangout? Was I pushed into his arms? Is that what it took for us to find each other? Would it have happened some other way if not this?

Thanksgiving, not just the warm-up holiday for Christmas anymore. So here goes. Thanks for fighting, girls! Hey dogs! Thanks for destroying my kitchen every day for months on end. Chip, thanks for making my job so miserable! And thanks, universe. I'll listen a little closer next time. And thanks, Richard! It was about time you showed up! I’d been waiting.

2006-11-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES

Richard and I went to Church on Sunday. We loaded up the automobile with a full picnic basket, a guitar and a camera and headed northeast for Buck’s Pocket.

In this unbelievably beautiful setting, many emotions were experienced. Among them was the sensation of awe as we completed our ascension to one of the many bluffs and rested, overlooking miles and miles of brilliant color. There was the joy and satisfaction of fine dinning on a leftover roast dinner with a good merlot and a guitar case for a table. There was the incredible closeness we felt, experiencing this beauty and tranquility together. There was even comic relief when I spilled water all over Richard’s foot and he took off his sock, hanging it over a branch in the futile hope it would dry by the end of our picnic.

We were quieter driving home. But the silence was full. It was a reverence and thankfulness. I can imagine no Carnival Cruise more enjoyable, no tastier meal served with greater care. I can imagine no day finer than this. The vibrant colors of the leaves, the sounds of the forest and the view of the cerulean blue sky were all for free All that glory, just sitting there, wanting to be viewed, we only needed to go and enjoy it.

Hallelujah!

2006-11-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

SEEING IN THE DARK

It is interesting how in darkness we are able to see the most. And a truth that seems contradictory is a signal to take a closer look.

Who contemplates their life during times of exuberance and great joy? What do we learn here? We learn we like it. We over indulge in it and strive to keep things exactly as they are. But of course, we can’t. Soon some misfortune will visit and she will leave us in that familiar place; a place that is not so joyous, a place that is at best slightly uncomfortable and at worst, filled with overwhelming despair.

Even though we have been here over and over again when we are in this place, it feels all is lost. We can know deep in ourselves that soon the sun will rise and we will be joyous again, but it is hard to hang onto this concept. Ideas like this are pushed back and rendered irretrievable by gloom.

We strive to find a way to make it go away so we can feel joy again. I have spent many a night muzzling misfortune with a bottle of wine or some mindless bit of television. But she is still present, perhaps exacerbated by my ignoring her. What really is to be done with this unwanted feeling?

We can look at it. Evaluate it. Sort things out, collate. Why are we here? Is something out of balance? Does something need to be added to our life or eliminated? Does a relationship need work, does our diet need changing? Are we working too hard or not hard enough? Are we taking care of our needs? Are we ignoring a calling?

This is where we grow, and masking these feelings only cripples us. Our ability to grow emotionally, spiritually and intellectually is dependent on how we use the message that misfortune brings us. If we ignore her, we stay just where we are. But if we listen, adjust and thank her, we grow.

In hindsight we know these depressive periods are important! Many pivotal moments in my life can be associated directly to coming out of a dark spell. And I can know my life is now better because of them. I try to remember this when things seem bad and know that all parts of life are good. Not to ask misfortune to visit, but to keep learning so that next time she will not need to speak so loud or stay so long.

2006-10-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

GERTIE CARDEN circa 1982 - OCTOBER 25, 2006
Gertie died yesterday. I received the news a day late as I was out yesterday and the announcement was on my office voicemail. Gertie was my daughter's elderly dog. I guess that made her my grand-doggie.

Judging from her attitude, Gertie was once quite the looker. Melissa provided an assortment of outfits for her. Her favorite was a sassy blue jean skirt paired with a pink 'foxy lady' tank. She would sashay about with all the in your face kind of confidence you'd expect from Madonna or Prince. Happily for Gertie, her cloudy eyes failed years ago and she was unaware of the off-putting condition that caused her skin to hang in great folds and wrinkles from her mid-section and down. She didn't seem bothered by the odd configuration of the remaining 3 teeth that jutted out strangely from a severe under bite. She went to her grave believing that she was as breath taking as ever. I’m glad for this.

Gertie had many endearing qualities. For one, she was a brave lady. Even though she weighed less than 20 pounds, I am here to testify that nobody but nobody was going to put one over on the Gert. Big dogs or little, her space was her space and she did not mind letting this be known.

Another quality was her positive attitude. She lived in my household for quite a while and was always upbeat and happy. She never seemed to mind or be daunted by the frequent change of layout in my home even though that meant she had to endure many bumps while learning her way.

I loved her sweet little habit of helping you lift her. Just as you began to hoist her up she would do a little jump with her hind legs as if she were rising of her own volition.

When Missy first met her, she had long since been dumped at the vet where Melissa worked. I suppose her previous owners no longer found her charming, believing that a pet is something one can just use up and throw away. The vet didn’t want to put her down, but who would ever adopt this old, unattractive, blind and toothless dog...

Melissa would. Because of Melissa, this little dog got several pampered years at the end of her life. And she deserved them.

Thanks, Melissa. I’m so glad there are people like you out there.

Thanks, Gertie. You knew how to live. Thanks for showing me.

I’m sorry I rearranged the furniture so much. I’m sorry I didn’t know to hug you goodbye last time you came to visit. I miss you already.

2006-10-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

LIFE IS GOOD!

I try to remember this. Sometimes I forget. Richard is good at nudging my cart back on the road when I veer off into angry and/or pessimistic land. This weekend proved to be no exception.

In addition to replacing the broken 'Life is Good' mug he already bought for me once, he spent the weekend sorting out various technical issues at my house and helping me take care of my responsibilities. He even bought dinner groceries and then cooked them so I could finish an important project. In addition to assuming a good bit of load for me over the past couple of days, he also continued as my best friend and soulmate.

Richard is awesome. I've never had anyone bust ass for me when I was over run. I thought that was my job, and so it feels odd. But I am finally in a place where I want it and know I deserve it. And I am looking forward to the opportunity to reciprocate.

Sometimes life looks so good it makes me nervous. This is one of those times. I want to get used to this and believe it is an illustration of my life ahead. Funny that it is when times are good I feel most challenged.

Richard and I have been through some rough times, but we have discovered most of our issues are born of miscommunication. If we can stop, and listen and really hear each other, the whole flavor of the discussion changes. Needing to win or be right dissapates while soothing whatever hurt our unknowing action might have caused takes the forefront. It is a wonderful thing and I am so thankful to be here, now.

Probably most relationship battles start with misunderstandings. I saw this illustrated beautifully with another couple. The husband didn't notice what his wife hoped he would, and the wife did not speak up and tell him what she needed. I could see the hurt in her eyes and relate to the unappreciated feeling she was experiencing. I understood his look of confusion as he no doubt wondered where he had stepped in it. I wish I could have helped them but there wasn't a way to do so. It is for them to work through and I so hope they do. It will strengthen their bond.

I think maybe being able to see your own issues through the hardships of others is a gift of sorts. And it's one you can't give back. But I am sure someone has seen something in me and has grown from it. At this very moment somebody is no doubt saying, "Wow, I'm glad I didn't act a fool like Jean did that night!" Hey, if somebody learned from it, fine. We have all acted like fools at some time in our lives and I can hope that some of my mishaps have inspired someone, somehwere to say, "You know, life is good!"

2006-10-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

STAYING UP WHILE DEALING WITH PAIN

This morning I was in line in the cafeteria and a guy in front of me dropped some change. He is kind of a strange guy.. terrible complexion, overweight and always alone. I don’t know him or even know his name. He walks with an odd limp and I suspect he has an artificial leg. He was trying to pick up his change and he was having a hard time and couldn’t see where it all was. I just jumped down and said, ‘Oh, I see it’, and got it for him. I dropped a dime in his hand and gave him a smile and a warm 'You're welcome', to his thank you.

This is a man who probably doesn’t receive an abundance of acts of kindness. He seemed so grateful at my retrieving the dime. It made me not hurt for a minute and I realized - there's your prozac.

Make an effort. It's not altruistic, it's selfish. It just feels good.

2006-09-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT

I woke yesterday morning, and as always, noted the birds fluttering outside my window at the feeder. This alone was not unusual, but the fact that the movement persisted while two of my cats approached was peculiar.

On closer inspection I found a black capped chickadee trapped inside. The opportunistic little thing had somehow managed to squeeze herself inside the spherical feeder where the seeds are plenty. But she could not get back out. With several and various carnivores on high alert the poor thing flurried and flapped and seemed generally overcome with terror.

I took the contraption down and moved to the front of the house where fewer individuals up the food chain from a chickadee lurk. As I carried the feeder away she became more and more alarmed, unaware that I was merely transporting her to safety. I imagined she feared the worst, resigning herself to some awful fate as I worked at opening the tiny prison.

Does a little bird feel joy? They surely don’t understand what it is like to be chained to the surface of the earth and so flying must seem ordinary. But I think if a black capped chickadee is capable, she would surely have felt it in that moment she first flew free. The experience of nearly losing something dear may very well have allowed her the ability to know of great joy.